The Battle for Bonnie McMurray is the fifth episode of Season 3 of Letterkenny.
Bonnie invites the Hicks for a hot tub party and Dan, Daryl and Katy compete for her attention. Wayne and Rosie are #relationshipgoals.
You were crushin' Gus n' Bru with your pals the other day… — Wayne
See like not all dad noises are bad dad noises. So like maybe sometimes mum might say, hon, kids' gone away camping for the weekend, why don't we do some toe-curling? And then dad might lean in to a real Tony the Tiger dad noise like, grrrrrreat!” — Wayne
The Hicks receive a call at the farmhouse; Bonnie McMurray has invited them over for a hot tub party. There is tension as both Daryl and Dan are sweet on her—and then Katy, despite her busy winter, throws her hat in the ring as well. Wayne points out that she is a bit young, at 20.
Could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh? — Wayne
Wayne receives a call from Tanis, who informs him that the Natives are not responsible for the petty vandalism that has been occurring around Letterkenny. Wayne was not aware of it, as they have had their hands full with degens from upcountry.
The Skids, the actual perpetrators, are gaming furious in the basement, ten hours on original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) games. Gae acknowledges that there is heat on F.A.K.U. They plan to keep gaming, when Tanis, Axe, and Slash appear.
At the hockey arena, Reilly and Jonesy try to impose their personal discipline on the Letterkenny Irish, assigning fines for various violations, starting with untrimmed pubic hair. Second, they call out Boomtown for being a "junk hider," never letting the other teammates see his penis. They pressure him to whip it out as a show of team unity.
At the McMurrays', the Hicks enter the hot tub. Wayne observes that they have one of every kind of person at a hot tub party: the fully immersed (Dan), the guy with his shoulders out (Daryl), the one who takes up two to three times more real estate than everybody else (Katy), and the edge sitter (Bonnie); he in turn is the one with his hands out of the water to be able to dig out smokes. Rosie offers to keep a hand out to be able to light them.
Katy asks Bonnie various questions trying to see whether she would be more interested in Daryl or Dan, asking about body type, hair, and so forth as Dan and Daryl try to demonstrate their worthiness in response to her answers.
If you had to choose between someone who was more big and hairy, versus somebody who's a lot less big and hairy, but more pale… — Katy
Jonesy and Reilly call out Fisky for stepping on the logo on the floor, and also announce that their sweaters should never touch the floor, both as a sign of respect for the team. They return to Boomtown to pressure him to show his penis when they hear noise from the ice, and hurry over to the rink.
After Bonnie says she appreciates a guy who can make her laugh, Dan and Daryl engage in a war of fart jokes, but Katy is the one who makes her laugh. They fart so much that Wayne asks whether the bubbles in the hot tub have been turned back on. They have not.
Okay, it didn't take me very long to realize I don't like you. — Tanis
Tanis and Stewart, back at the basement, have a confrontation. Tanis throws shade at Gae, who throws it back, attributing Tanis's insults to projection of her own guilt and sexual insecurity. Tanis brushes this off and tells Axe and Slash to "do damage" when they are interrupted by Gae's mother—who turns out to be Kim, the "too hard" feminist and psychologist who the matchmaker had once set up with Wayne ("Relationships").
At the hockey arena, Reilly and Jonesy discover that the noise is coming from Tyson and Joint Boy doing slap shots. They invite them to play for the Irish. Tyson and JB acknowledge that they are no good at hockey, but will happily join the team as enforcers. They return to the dressing room, where Boomtown finally lowers his pants. Reilly and Jonesy pronounce his penis to be "healthy" and "modest" and praise him for helping with team unity.
Great dick, Boomtown — Reilly
Rosie and Wayne have left the hot tub, and Katy admits to Bonnie that the remaining three are interested in her. Bonnie cites good qualities in each of them, but says she likes being single—because then you can fool around with whoever you want, and not get in trouble.
Wayne drives Rosie back to her house, where she says she intends to spend the night reading—but after they make some dad noises.
Grrrrrreat! — Wayne
- Reilly: Boys, I wake up in the middle of the night dry-heaving at the amount of bush in this room.
Jonesy: We thought tummy-stick hedgehogs were extinct, boys.
Reilly: Shave your fuckin' junk hair, boys.
Jonesy: It's disgusting, boys.
Reilly: And Shorsey is the guiltiest of 'em all!
Jonesy: Reilly will be your bush inspector.
Reilly: And Jonesy will be your associate bush inspector.
- Rosie: It's not easy telling a guy you don't want to see him because you want to stay in and read.
Katy: Let's test this theory. Dary, say you asked Bonnie McMurray out on a date and she says I'm going to stay in and read.
Daryl: She up to somethin'.
Dan: Oh, she's definitely up to something.
Wayne: Must be a pretty good book. Must be like… The Road.
- Tanis: I will wipe that smirk off your face like pixie dust over there wipes your little asshole.
Roald: It was just once! I
Roald: No, you were passed out.
- To be fair…
- The Hicks are sweet on Bonnie McMurray
- Reilly and Jonesy hate bush
- Wayne's reading list
- Most hockey teams have shared dressing rooms, and thus the decor is generic. Where a large team logo is stitched or painted on the floor, however, it has become an unwritten rule never to step on it, as it may be considered disrespectful or even bad luck in some team cultures. Celebrities including Brock Lesnar and Justin Bieber have run afoul of the tradition in recent years, as well as various journalists, producing some angry columns critical of the obsession. Jerseys or other equipment bearing the logo are also to be treated with respect, out of respect for the logo.
Songs featured in the episode, according to Tunefind, are as follows:
- Trade by Bignic
- Torpedo by Bad Company UK
- Keep Time by Gauntlet Hair
- Get Down On Me by Indian Wars
- the other Letterkenny Irish
- Bonnie McMurray