It’s Easter and it’s Daryl’s turn to hide the eggs. Glen and his unlikely sidekicks put on a Passion Play.
An enthusiastic Daryl delicately paints Easter eggs at a candlelit counter, from time to time consulting a scrapbook which appears to be saved from childhood. He loads up a powder blue Easter basket with his creations, and with a satisfied grin concludes
This is going to be a super hard Easter. — Daryl
The Hicks gather around the kitchen table. Wayne has given up his turtleneck, and declares it a bit drafty, as Dan shivers, but Katy, wrapped up in a blanket, says it is perfectly toasty. Daryl enters hopping like a rabbit, wearing bunny ears.
Bet he'd take a silk shawl if you got one for him, Katy. — Wayne
Daryl ignores their comments and declares that everything is in place for the super hard Easter egg hunt, as it is his turn this year. Wayne acknowledges that while they all appreciate tradition, this is the silliest tradition they've got going; he'd rather pick rocks. Katy prepares to nip a conversation in the bud.
Wayne changes the subject to a story McMurray told him of a dude at the airport in the washroom who had his iPad open on top of the urinal and was working on it while he rocked a piss. Dan asks "What could be so urgents?" and Wayne agrees with the sentiment. Katy resumes nipping the earlier conversation in the bud, addressing Wayne's anticipated objections to Easter as a Christian version of a pagan celebration timed with the Jewish Passover. She will not have another holiday tradition ruined by Wayne's humbuggery.
Dan doesn't consider Wayne a humbug, but more of a curmudgeon. Daryl offers that he is a poopy-pants.
I will submits that you have been guilty of humbuggery, curmudgeonry, and, dare I says it, poop-pantsery, on more than ones occasion. — Dan
And since Wayne enjoys drinking Puppers and Gus N' Bru, which they get to drink all day, Katy wants to get the day started with the least amount of humbuggery, curmudgeonry, or poop-pantsery as possible.
Daryl then reminds them of the rules for the Easter egg hunt. Each year, one of the group decorates and hides eggs, and writes clues for the others to find them. If someone finds an egg, s/he does a shot of Gus 'n Bru and chugs a Puppers, but no other drinking is allowed. The hunting grounds, however, are booby-trapped, and anyone who finds a booby trap is out. Dan finds a loophole:
If I stumbles upon a booby's trap, I can have as many drinks as I wants, right? — Dan
In contrast, he can only drink one Gus 'n Bru and one Puppers if he finds an egg, so the incentive to find a booby trap seems a might stronger. Wayne periodically tries to jump in with an objection, but Katy stops him, and Daryl opens the hunt.
At the gym, a seated Glen sobs, and Jonesy and Reilly ask him what is wrong. Glen, acting surprised to see them, tells them he is sad because he wants to put on a Passion play. This excites the hockey players, who smashed drama in high school (for class participation).
How 'bout, let's try this, though. I'll just explain it, and then you don't talk for a while, and we'll go faster, okay? — Glen
He explains that a Passion celebrates the life of Christ by depicting his suffering, trial, and death. It is not fun. Glen feels he was born to play the role of Jesus, but now he has no congregation to help him. He asks Reilly and Jonesy if they will help him by playing burly Roman centurions, and they agree enthusiastically—thinking of 300, though he points out that was actually Sparta. Glen wants them to help find someone who will yell at him and make him feel bad, and the hockey players have someone in mind.
Stewart, doing drugs with Roald in the basement finds something is "off": Connor and Darien are missing. Roald points out that they are with their families for Easter, disappointing Stewart. He had planned to celebrate Zombie Jesus Day, a celebration of all things zombie and Jesus: first, watching The Last Temptation of Christ, then 28 Days Later, then 28 Weeks Later, then playing The Last of Us until the meth runs out. It would not be the same without Connor's commentary on Kazantzakis' oeuvre, or Darien's obsession with Danny Boyle—even liking Sunshine.
Back at the farm, Dan and Katy have a look at Daryl's map. It is to scale, so things don't look too bad. Then Wayne reads the first clue. They are distracted by the writing, which looks like serial killer handwriting. Dan says is only writes in block letters, for legibility. Katy writes in cursive—but not "too cursive," also for legibility. Wayne mentions that they don't teach cursive in school any more, which he finds a goddamned shame, since kids need to learn to do things the old-fashioned way.
Katy has Wayne read the clue again.
I'm the way to your heart, and I'm made of art. Fuck's sake, Dary, your stupid clue! — Wayne
Dan asks Daryl if all his clues are this fuckin' stupid, and he says they might be, though he is "very to a lot" hammered, because he can drink all day long as the host of the hunt.
The hockey players meet the Coach in the sauna and propose the best idea ever: for Glen to join the coaching staff of the Letterkenny Irish. Glen asks the Coach to judge whether he'd be good at coaching hockey-ball, which sets off the Coach, who fires insults at him. Glen is feels judged, and thanks the boys for the encounter. They prepare to leave, but the Coach is angry that they have ruined his shvitz, and will not let them leave without further abuse. He steams up the room and cackles maniacally.
Wayne and Katy are searching for eggs in the tractor shed, still on the first clue. Katy gets caught in a booby trap, but promises she will help Wayne look. She has him read the second clue:
I'm soft and I'm hard, I'm right in your yard. Fucks, that's stupid. — Wayne
They ask where Dan is; Dan has also found a booby trap and is already hammered, which he believes makes him Easter champion. He tells a drunken story about the first Easter.
Glen and the hockey players have come to the basement, to Roald's delight. Stewart is sleeping, which makes Jonesy wonder if the Skids are vampires. Glen has come to seek suffering, but he and Roald end up flirting with each other. Reilly asks if they should leave; Roald says they should stay—it makes it better.
Wayne, now searching alone, invites McMurray over to help look for eggs. Glen, carrying a makeshift cross and accompanied by the hockey players shouting "whip sound!" comes up the laneway. Jonesy shouts "This is Sparta!" notwithstanding that, as Glen points out, it is not. Nothing is proceeding like Glen's dream.
Following behind them are Roald and a cranky just-awakened Stewart. Roald promises Stewart that will be worth it; Stewart says it had better.
McMurray and Wayne have found all the eggs, given McMurray's skill with puzzles. McMurray expresses an interest in crosswords (though not word searches), and reports that he and Mrs. McMurray got into group sudoku action when down 'Pulco. Wayne just wants to catch up to the others' drinking, and McMurray agrees enthusiastically.
They head outside to the porch, where Glen is leading a procession. Reilly and Jonesy follow close behind shouting "whip sound" as they make whipping motions, followed by Katy wrapped up in another blanket, and then a very drunk Daryl and Dan. Roald points out to Stewart that Jesus cannot be kept buried—making him a zombie, to Stewart's delight. The procession is a zombie march, just like he wanted. He tells Roald "Never have I loved thee more," to which Roald kisses him blissfully on the cheek; Stewart is unmoved, however, and heads off to follow the procession.
Wayne and McMurray head inside and sit at the kitchen table, but constantly interrupt each other trying to start a conversation. Finally, they realize they were both going to praise how beautiful and immaculately crafted the Easter eggs are. They share the next sentiment:
I really wish it wasn't so difficult talkin' to you all the time. — Wayne and McMurray
After repeatedly interrupting each other a few more times, however, Wayne loses patience, and heads outside to join the zombie walk.
- Katy: And you don't fuck with tradition, big brother.
Daryl: Not even for birthday parties people don't especially love.
- Reilly: Are you okay? You look kind of bummed.
Jonesy: You bummed, Glen?
Glen:Is it that obvious?
Reilly: Well, I mean, between the tears
Jonesy: And the Kleenex
Reilly: And the pouty lip
Jonesy: Yeah, I guess it's pretty obvious that you're kind of
Glen: Sad? Oh, boys, I am sad.
- Glen: How 'bout, let's try this, though. I'll just explain it, and then you don't talk for a while, and we'll go faster, okay?
- Coach: You shouldn't coach hockey-ball, 'cause you called it hockey-ball.
Coach: All right? You wouldn't know a face-off specialist from a stay-at-home D-man.
Glen: I wouldn't, but I'd like to.
Coach: This is probably the most time you've spent in the gym locker room.
Glen: It isn't, but let's not get into it.
Coach: You probably call your asshole your penalty box!
Glen: That is personal, not true, and a good idea.
- Wayne: People should only get hammered together, so that you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.
- Stewart: The hubris. The arrogance. The third synonym I would like to have thought of. You did not rouse me, Roald. I rouse myself.
- McMurray: I do like a good crotchword puzzle too, Wayne, if you've got any of those.
- You don't fuck with tradition.
- Wayne and McMurray constantly interrupt each other.
- No, it's not.
- McMurray's story of the man with his iPad at the urinal at the airport is further discussed at length in the episode What Could Be So Urgent?