Les Hiques is the fourth episode of season three of Letterkenny.
The Hicks go fishing on the Quebec border and meet their French doppelgangers.
“You're packin' up for a fishin' trip with your pals the other day…”—Wayne
Dan loves fishin' in Kway-bec. Katy wonders who doesn't love fishin' in Kay-bec? Wayne avers it's great fishin' in Kyu-bec. Daryl fuckin' hates Quebec. Wayne says to get Daryl a Puppers. Daryl sulks that they don't even sell Puppers there.
The group stops for a piss break on the drive to Quebec; Katy is relieved for the break from naming their own fars. Daryl starts to tell a story about the 'rippers, but Wayne stops him saying "there's plenty of time to tell stories when you're goin' fishing." All repeat their love of fishing in Quebec, and Daryl his hatred of Quebec. For one, he can never tell what they are saying; Wayne observes that ignorance is bliss. Daryl asks them to name one good French guy, and they come up with Corey Hart and French Stewart, neither of whom are French.
They walk out to the lake, and ask Daryl again why he dislikes the French. As Wayne explains, Daryl loves French gals, but hates that they don't love him back. He has a hard time communicating with them, and is not a good enough looking guy to get by on just his looks. Meanwhile, the English gals all love French dudes, something Katy "can confirm." Dan suggests they change topics, and Daryl tell his story about the 'rippers; it is that one of the strippers was named "All-anus Morissette." They rattle off similar pun-based stripper names, but Daryl keeps returning to "All-anus Morissette," which he cannot say without giggling.
They arrive at the fishing hole to find that a group already settled in a short distance away, playing music and talking loudly.
Dan: Who's that?
Daryl: The French.
At the hockey arena, Reilly and Jonesy advocate for the team to take a protein powder supplement called Shred the Red. In the middle of the speech, however, their stomachs rumble and they run off to the toilet to take of one of the side effects, "a few more trips to the shit shed," and various other terms for it. Shoresy is in the next stall over, and chirps them.
At the Skids' basement, Roald tells Stewart he does not trust Gae. Stewart brushes him aside and states that FAKU's mission henceforth, named Operation Gae, is to return Gae to the city. He shows a map of Letterkenny and a plan to steal mailboxes, hide them in his trunk, and dump the contraband in the dollar store parking lot. The "best part," he says, is that the vandalism will be blamed on Tanis and her crew. They recite FAKU's motto.
Back at the fishing hole, Daryl shouts at the French group to be quieter. They do not appear to understand, and shrug it off. Dan shouts again, more angrily, and Daryl tells them he would prefer to hear Celine Dion. This sets off the French group, who will not stand to hear Celine Dion's name spoken in a hostile tone. The groups exchange insults at each other, neither seeming to understand what the other is saying.
They are interrupted by the entrance of Anik, with all the Hicks taking notice. The French boys offer various typical foods loudly, like crêpes, poutine, and cassoulet, making a *pfft* sound after each suggestion. Wayne wonders how *pfft* would work if English speakers used it.
Reilly and Jonesy return to the dressing room and try to get the rest of the team excited about Shredding the Red. Barts, Yorkie, Scholtzy, and Fisky refuse, but Boomtown is in, and they chant for him to shred the red.
Armed with baseball bats and shovels, F.A.K.U. takes to smashing mailboxes around town.
Back at the fishing hole, Katy encouages Daryl to talk to Anik, but he declines, saying he won't understand what she's saying half the time. A fish gets tossed into their circle; Jean-Guy says, in French, that it is because the Ontario government is messing up their food supply. Anik waves to Daryl, and they all ride off on their sleds. Daryl mourns that Anik is gone forever.
The whole team having "shred the red," all skate out on the ice, and all almost simultaneously lose bowel control. Reilly and Jonesy skulk off, with the others in slow, awkward pursuit.
Back at the basement, F.A.K.U. reconvenes to celebrate their acoomplishmenta and avoidance of capture; Gae says the police are like mushrooms—you give them shit and keep them in the dark. Roald has pricked his finger; Gae pricks her own and Stewart's, and presses all three together to become bonded by blood. They recite the F.A.K.U. creed.
The Hicks pack up at the fishing hole, having failed to catch anything, when they are greeted by the sound of sleds. Degens from upcountry have arrived, and the Hicks are way outnumbered. The French return, however; they have an equal disdain for *les douches de campagne*. A massive donnybrook ensues, and the degens are defeated.
Around the campfire, the Hicks and their French counterparts share beers. Jean-Guy reveals that he speaks English, and Wayne reveals that he speaks French. Jean-Guy says French degens are even worse than English ones, and that they are from Laval. Daryl says that he always hated the French because he couldn't understand them and had no chance with their women, but appreciates that they had their backs that day, and says he loves Quebec. Anik introduces herself to Daryl, and tells him she thinks he is really good-looking, and that pretty much everyone in Quebec speaks English. She asks if he likes Alanis Morisette, and Daryl giggles uncontrollably.
Dan: You'd trust somebody who wears sunglasses at night?
Wayne: It's a great day for sleighing.
Dan: It's a toboggan.
Reilly: Fuck you, Shoresy.
Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me—see what happens.
Reilly: Yeah? What's gonna happen, Shoresy?
Shoresy: Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, I jerk off on your driver's side door handle.
Dan: Hey! He said simmers down, so simmers down! Why don't you go eat some tartars, you snails suckin' mime lovers?
Jean-Guy: Uh, (in French) I don't know what you're saying but ain't no reason to ge excited
Daryl: I don't know what the fuck you're saying, but turn that shit down! I would rather have Celine Dion.
Jean-Guy: (in French) I still don't know what you're saying but I heard Celine Dion's name spoken in a hostile tone.
Jean-Carl: (in French) Nobody speaks Celine Dion's name n a hostile tone!
Jean-Pierre: (in French) Celine Dion is a national treasure! She is an angel! We love her like we love our own mothers!
Jean-Guy (to Jean-Carl and Jean-Pierre): Roch Voisine is also very talented.
Daryl: I still don't know what the fuck you're saying, but other than Georges St-Pierre, every Frenchman is a fuckin' pussy! So youse better simmer down and I mean right now!
Jean-Guy: (in French) Go fuckin' listen to Bryan Adams in Saskatoon. You're a fuckin' loser!
Daryl: Well, why don't you go to a poutine festival in the Thetford Mines?
Jean-Carl: (in French) Go have a fuckin' rodeo in Moose Jaw, cowboy!
Dan: Why don't you go canoe in the Three Rivers, you inbred fur traders?
Jean-Pierre: Go eat a Nanaimo Bar in Kamloops. Manger la merde!
Dan: I fuckin' know what that means.
Katy (to Wayne): I love Nanaimo Bars.
Wayne (to Katy): 'Cause you do pot.
Dan: And you know what else? None of youse knows where to put the S's in your goddamn sentences. So why don't you go get tricked by a Just For Laughs gags before you have to hold a referendum to separate my foot from your ass!
Dan: Well, we are way the fucks outnumbered, bud.
Wayne: It's not how many you win, it's how many you show up for.
Daryl: Is that a No Fear slogan?
Dan: I loves fishin' in kwee-bec.
Katy: Who doesn't love fishin' in kay-bec?
Wayne: Great fishin' in kyu-bec!
Daryl: I fuckin' hate Quebec...
Wayne: Get this guy a fucking Puppers.
- It's 2015! (No, it's not.)
- George St. Pierre is three-time former UFC Welterweight Champion, and one of the most accomplished mixed martial artists in the history of the sport.
- Dan refers to the Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal. In real life, K. Trevor Wilson, who portrays Dan, has performed at JFL on several occasions, and won the "homegrown comedy" award in 2012.
According to Tunefind, the music played in this episode includes the following:
- Aujourd'hui ma vie c'est d'la marde by Lisa LeBlanc
- Fussy Fuss by Alaclair Ensemble
- Ta langue sur mes lèvres by Ponctuation
- Wow (feat. Radio Radio) by Boogat
- Ça que c'tait by Alaclair Ensemble
- Aweille! by Dead Obies
- Belvedere by Ponctuation
- Marie tu pleures by Karkwa
- the other Letterkenny Irish
- Alastair and the degens from upcountry
- Farmhouse kitchen
- The ice fishing hole in Quebec
- Letterkenny Irish dressing room at the hockey arena