A Fuss at the Golf Course is the second episode of Season 4 of Letterkenny.
The Hicks and the McMurrays defend the majestic Canada Goose down at the local golf course. The turf war for the Dollar Store continues.
One of your dogs was being a degen the other day… — Wayne
The Hicks are drinking beers on the porch of the farmhouse. Wayne shoos Gus away from licking Daryl's boots, saying that all dudes' shoes are covered in piss. Dan agrees, saying ants could ride Sea-Doos on the floor in front of a urinal. Wayne thinks ants riding Sea-Doos is not so crazy, seeing how smart ants are. They discuss what it would take for a team of scientists to build a Sea-Doo that could be operated by an ant, and what the life of an ant given the chance to ride a Sea-Doo might lead. Dan apologizes for questioning the ant's decisions. Daryl says they've all learned something— not to be an expert, because "everybody's a fuckin' expert."
Must be nice. — Wayne
You gots him well-trained, don'ts ya? — Dan
Just then, an extremely agitated McMurray and Mrs. McMurray drive up to talk to Wayne about what the Coach is doing about goose shit down at the golf course. Mrs. McMurray specifies, they track down the Canada Gooses nests, then put oil on Canada Gooses eggs so they won't hatch. The entire group is outraged, smashing beer bottles and exclaiming their horror.
You wanna know what? You got a problem with Canada Gooses, you got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate. — Wayne
They sing the praises of Canada Gooses, and set off for the golf course to have a word with the coach.
Reilly runs into Jonesy at the gym. Their awkward hello is interrupted by Ron and Dax having an encounter with Alistair the degen, after which they turn their attention to the hockey players, tossing hockey-theme double entendres at them.
The Hicks drive out onto the golf course and confront the Coach, who is playing a round with the other members of the board watching.
At the dollar store parking lot, Glen and the Skids prepare to square off in their turf war. Jonesy is caught in the middle. Glen asks him to become his altar boy—or altar man. Stewart invites him to join them instead. Jonesy is not religious, but has nothing against it either, and asks if they can all just get along. The answer is a resounding no.
Back at the golf course, the Hicks have come up with a solution for controlling Canada Gooses without resorting to oiling eggs. They place decoy coyotes— the "most obnoxious predators of rural Canadas" as Dan observes— to keep the Canada Gooses away; no eggs on the course means no eggs to be oiled, and animal cruelty avoided.
Meanwhile, McMurray and Mrs. McMurray harass the Coach incessantly.
You better fix that divot 'cause Canada Gooses would fix it for you. — McMurray
The Skids make another bid to recruit Jonesy. He is excited about Chel, but less so about dancing, but then they suggest hard drugs, which he considers a fight on sight. Glen offers bread and wine, which Jonesy likes okay, but not as much as he likes Chel. Desperately, Glen asks if he likes cheese
Everyone knows cheese is the milk of Christ. You've hit the motherlode of cheesie yumminess when you pick Christ. It's a classic. Bread, wine, cheese. And also cured in salted dried meats. That's the flesh of Christ.… See Corinthians! Bread, wine, cheese, meat! Christianity is a charcuterie board. Come have some charcuterie with Christ, Jonesy. You'll like it. It's yummy. — Glen
They are interrupted by Reilly, who has driven up again to get Katy's sour candies. Jonesy suggests Reilly should just buy a bunch of sour candies at once to have them handy, rather than coming back into town to get sour candies all the time. Reilly is touched.
Did you know that you're the smartest person that I've ever met? — Reilly
Jonesy explains the situation: he needs a crew. Glen and the Skids resume their efforts to court Jonesy, calling to him like a puppy.
The decoys in place, the Hicks join McMurray and Mrs. McMurray in chirping the coach, proclaiming ever more extravagant praise for the Canada Goose. The Canada goose is what you hear when you play various records backwards, and a Canada goose feather was buried at centre ice for Sidney Crosby's golden goal at the 2010 Olympics, and the Canada goose helped Columbus discover North America, and Canada gooses tried to JFK before his assassination, and so on.
Reilly returns to the produce stand with a bag of sour candies, but Katy is not interested in them; she wanted the sour jellybeans. This upsets Reilly, who has just driven all the way into town; Katy then suggests that Jonesy could pick them up, unless he is gone. Suddenly struck with the fear that Jonesy could be gone, Reilly rushes back to the dollar store, where Jonesy is still caught between Glen and the Skids. Jonesy dashes to the Jeep, and the two drive off, reunited.
After another round of chirping from the Hicks, an upset Coach agrees to call off the oiling of the Canada goose eggs. Wayne shakes the Coach's hand, and is relieved to head home.
Thank fuckin' Christ, am I happy to leave this fuckin' goose factory. — Wayne
- Dan: When I was comings up we'd be luck to even have oils for our tractors. Now you got so much of it you want to pour it on eggs. Must be fuckin' nice!
- Mrs. McMurray: Your wardrobe colour scheme looks like a bi-polar spell! Get those cocksuckers off your feet!
Mrs. McMurray: The ankle socks, you fuckin' sally. How does your wife let you leave the house lookin' like that, huh?
Coach: My wife died three years ago.
Mrs. McMurray: Yeah, well, one look at you and it's clear she's in a better place now, you fuckin' asshole!
- Mrs. McMurray: There's a special place in heaven for animal lovers, that's what I always say.
Coach: Yes. And those animals will now have a special place in heaven, as well. Along with my wife, Barbara.
- Dan: Lions is lucky Canada Gooses don't migrate to Africa. Then they'd be's extinct.
- Wayne: Don't you remember when that plane had to land on the river in New York 'cause Canada Gooses flew into the engine? It's 'cause Canada Gooses likely had intel there was a pedophile or two on board and took matters into their own hands. As they should!
Daryl: No innocent people hurt either.
- Coach: They're just pheasants with better marketing.
- Everybody's a fuckin' expert. Must be nice.
- Coach kicks a garbage can when he is upset
- We should leave this world behind
- Overhunting and habitat destruction led to a collapse of the Canada goose population in the early 20th century. Their numbers have since rebounded to the point where nonmigratory geese are considered a pest in many areas, owing to their noise, droppings, and aggressive behavior.
- Goose egg addling is a common method of goose population control in both Canada and the United States, and considered by some to be more humane than culling. Fertilized eggs are removed and the development of the embryo is terminated, for example, by coating the egg in oil to deprive it of oxygen. The non-hatching egg is then replaced; otherwise, the geese would begin the reproductive cycle again.
According to Tunefind, the following songs are featured in the episode:
- R the Future (feat. Maztek) by Virus Syndicate (Reilly drives up to the produce stand)
- Frequency by Rex the Dog (Glen and the Skids square off)
- What Would Wolves Do? by Les Savy Fav (Reilly realizes how much he feels for Jonesy)
- Paint It Gold by Fake Shark Real Zombie (It's almost like ants could use their feathers, race them as kayaks or some shit)
- Dogbody by Holloh
- Golf club (Letterkenny Grey Granite Copper Creek Whistle Ridge Golf & Country Club)
- Dollar store parking lot
- Mrs. McMurray
- Coach and the Board